Question: Why is golf called "golf"?
Answer: Because all the other four letter words were taken.
 
Playing golf for the first time with a new acquaintance, we were on the first hole, which was a long par four with water to the right and a deep ravine to the left.
My new playing partner takes out a brand new sleeve of balls, tees one up and immediately hits it into the water on the right.

Seemingly unconcerned, he takes another ball from the sleeve and hits it into the ravine. Then he takes the last ball from the sleeve and hits it into the water.

Going back to his bag, he reaches in and pulls out another brand new sleeve of balls.

"Why don't you hit an old ball?" I asked.

"I've never had an old ball", he replied.
 
 
An ardent golfer visited the fortune teller with one thing on his mind. He asked the fortune teller: "Are there golf courses in Heaven?"

The fortune teller replied: "I have good news, and I have bad news..."

"What's the good news?", asked the golfer.

"The good news is that the golf courses in heaven are the most beautiful you could imagine!"

Amazed, the golfer asked "How could there be any bad news with that?"

The fortune teller said: "You have a tee-time at 8:30 tomorrow morning."
 
 
One morning on the first tee, two guys ,who apparently had not any arranged playing partners, looked at each other and one asked the other if he would like to play a round together?

The other guy looks at him and says, "Yes, I would as long as you don't mind my little dog coming along with us!"

"Heck No" the other says, and so off they go... They make the turn and get to the thirteenth green. The guy with the dog has a 30 ft. putt side hill, downhill. He addresses the ball and sends it on its way. It goes out and turns toward the hole and goes right dead center of the hole and drops in. The guy's little dog jumps up on his hind legs and starts to dance.

Well, seeing this trick the guy looks at the dogs owner and says "Wow! That's a smart dog you have there! What would he do if you had missed the putt??"

"Oh well", he exclaims, "he does somersaults!"

"Somersaults!" exclaims the other guy, "how many does he do?"

"Well," says the dogs owner "....that depends on how hard I kick him!!!"

 
 
The man that invented 'golf' and said it was 'fun' is the same guy that invented 'bagpipes' and said it was 'Music'.
 
 
A man and his wife are playing golf together when he slices his tee shot well off the fairway,landing near an old barn. Upon surveying the shot he determines that he can either take a wedge and play over the barn and safely back out to the fairway, or try a long shot 3 iron down beside the barn to the green. He elects to try the 3 iron. But the ball strikes the side of the barn, bounces back, hitting his wife right between the eyes, killing her.

Well, needless to say the man didn't play for quite sometime. When he did finally return with a friend to play again, sure enough he hit the same shot, slicing his tee shot behind the barn.

Looking over the shot he asked his friend to hand him his wedge. His friend said,"No..look, you can take your 3 iron and try for the green."

The man said " Are you kidding me? Don't you know what happened last time I tried that shot?"

The friend looked puzzled. "What happened?"

"I took a 7".
 
 
Two new neighbors were paired up to play a round together. They were playing behind two ladies who were playing rather slowly. One of the guys suggested that his buddy go ask them if they could play through.

When the first guy returned he explained that he could not say anything because one of the ladies was his wife and the other his mistress.

The second guy proceeded to walk up the fairway but retuned before reaching the ladies explaining he had the same problem.
 
 
What are the four worst words you could hear during a game of golf? It's still your turn!  
 
 
A man stranded on a tropical island is amazed to see a gorgeous female scuba diver walking out of the water in a very low-cut wet suit. He runs to greet her and tells her he hasn't seen another human in five years.

"Sounds like you could use a drink," she says as she unzips one of her pockets and offers the man a flask of 12 year old Scotch.

"That's the best drink I've ever had!" he exclaims.

"Would you like a smoke?" she asks as she unzips another pocket on her suit and offers the man a Cuban cigar.

"This must be the best cigar in the world!" he shouts as he blows smoke rings in the air.

As she begins to unzip the front of her wet suit, she asks with a wry smile, "Would you like to play around?"

"Wow, you got golf clubs in there, too!??"
 
 
A golfer is lining up his putt on the eighth green one morning when a funeral procession drives by. He immediately stops, removes his cap and bows his head until the procession passes. One of his playing partners is impressed by this show of respect and comments on it to which the golfer replies "It's the least I can do, after all, we had been married for 28 years."
 
 
3 old men are about to get started for 18 holes one day when the starter asks if they would mind a young lady joining them. When they see a beautiful and veluptuous blonde, they accept readily!

For 17 holes, this blonde golfs horribly. On the 18th hole, a par 5, she manages to reach the green in 4, but has a 40' put to sink for par. "I would give anything, anything in the world, if I could only sink this putt", she exclaims.

Thinking as old men do, each offers assistance in turn. The first only man says, "hold your hands tight together and aim about 6 inches right of the hole."

The second says, "No, no, aim just left of the hole and make sure to hit it firm so as not to leave it short!"

The 3rd gentleman surveys the hole carefully and says, "Ah, it's a gimme!"
 
 
The golfer called one of the caddies and said, "I want a caddy who can count and keep the score.What's 3 and 4 and 5 come to?"
"11 sir" said the caddy.
"Good, you'll do perfectly."
 
 
PLEASE MAIL US YOUR JOKES, FUNNY GOLF PICTURES OR ANICDOTES OF FUN THINGS YOU SAW, OR THINGS THAT HAPPENERD TO YOU ON THE GOLF COURSE, AND WE WILL PUBLISH THEM HERE ON THE FUN STUFF PAGES.